She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
