So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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