you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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