is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Found the puke drawer
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
