this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
