i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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