Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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