PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
