TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
