He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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