who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
