she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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