I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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