Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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