So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
