Is it because I queefed?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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