Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize