she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?