a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.