I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.