its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
