I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
