I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think i have two assholes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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