I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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