dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I stole a fireplace last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize