i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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