I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
do nipples grow back?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
