i just wanna soil my oats bro
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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