I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
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