Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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