I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
