Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
