those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
