Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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