Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
