I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
