i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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