hotel room ftw
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
