I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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