i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
