think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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