i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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