I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
