We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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