tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
