I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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