A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
