U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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