ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
