where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
