I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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