The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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