direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
