Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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