She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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