Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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