We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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