in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
