How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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