I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
