we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize