So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
