sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
