But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize