There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I AM VODKA MAN
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
