? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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