guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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