How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize