I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
