She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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