umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
