dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
the liver wants what the liver wants
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
