Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
