just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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