it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
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Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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