...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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