Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
