So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
