Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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