I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
