you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
