I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
